Every morning is not the same. Sunshine is associated with a new beginning, new hopes, new aspirations and yearning to achieve more. The new sunshine vacuums all that was not achieved, accomplished and gained during the previous days, and gives life another chance. It slowly a whisper in my ear, life is too short and there is so much to love, learn and achieve. Live this day as tomorrow was never to come and you will see how your perspective changes.
However still, this sunshine wasn’t the same. Every night when I go to bed, I sleep away all my fears and sorrows. This sorrow is born from my expectations. The expectation from my loved one to reciprocate, the expectation from myself to be a perfect, to not fall in love incessantly, to not let go of myself, to be able to be narrow, to know how to forget and move on, and to be able to be happy even when it seems that my heart is as devastated as ever. I feel broken and lost. I made a mistake. I fell in love, but it wasn’t the perfect love that I was looking for. It was not the love that would have lasted. It wasn’t the love of a lifetime. It was just a small love, a crazy love that doesn’t want to isolate me. It wants to linger on in my heart and cause me pain. It wants to keep knocking on the door of my heart, saying I am going to remain and not leave you sweetheart. I came to remain and if you want to push me out, try harder. I will still not go and cause you misery, for you were the one who let me in, and now I want to remain.
The night had dawned into a beautiful day. A perfect life that I had once, looked not that perfect. Yet again, my sleep had failed me. I again woke up with a heavy heart. The first morning thought was about my loss. It was a loss of a dream, of an illusion, of a fairy tale love, a loss that was never meant to be, an illusion that had to break someday but why was this so difficult to my heart? Why did it refuse to accept and move forward? Why did it let me devastated? I wish I had a thicker skin. I wish I had never let this love percolate into my heart. I wish I had known, such love never existed and that it was just and mere illusion. I wish I had never met you ever in my life. I wish I could re write my past and go by a different path. I wish our path had never met. I wish.. I wish..!
But now, when I know that this loss inside is irreparable, give me another morning with some sunshine and I will reborn.
